During my yoga course I learned about ” stilling the fluctuations of the mind”…………..as I write, my burglar is going off at full pelt, and has been for the last 8 hours. I’ve dismantled it; taken out every fuse, and still the battery fights a winning battle and continues screaming on into the night. Thankfully I managed to quieten one part of it, but the other will be my faithful friend until the wee small hours of the morning, when the engineers get into work. This is apparently not classified as an emergency……….I dread to think what could be worse other than my alarm simultaneously setting off every other alarm on the street.
I am attempting to remain peaceful and not be driven mad by this irritating, relentless noise and “still my mind” so it doesn’t bother me. I was doing fine with the power cut, happily lighting candles and even dismissed a massive wax spillage as “funny”. Then I went out to take flyers round for my classes and fell down some steps to a ludicrously big house, which will teach me for thinking the house was just too big for someone to live in on my way down them. Karma always comes back to get you! On numerous attempts at putting flyers through doors, I’ve been met with over excited dogs the other side, leaping up and grabbing the flyers…I fought on, but each one I put through was met with the same fate. Despite the amusement value for this, it was slightly annoying. I suppose my point is, that no matter how little the tests are, and how in the big scheme of things they really don’t matter, we are tested every day in some minor way, but it all helps to shape you.
I reached the grand old age of 30 this month, and took stock and looked back over the last few years. At first I was angry, thinking I had achieved absolutely nothing and got nowhere near where I wanted to be. The facts weren’t helpful: single, pretty much unemployed, very few prospects. Then I started to look at the good things, and managed to see everything in a new light. It’s taken 6 years, but I finally have an acting agent. This is something that felt like it could never happen, but somehow something shifted and broke through. This year I trained in something I’ve been passionate about for a long time, and am now able to work in this capacity (a little more work from it wouldn’t go amiss, but patience is a virtue it seems….). So, in my eyes, I see these as small victories. Whilst I have a long way to go, and every day is a frustrating acceptance that I am not “there”, I am on my way, and the arrival will hopefully be even more exciting once I am well and truly on the way. For now, I’m happy with the daily tests, and the thought that it takes one day for everything to change, and that could well be tomorrow.